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2010 Predictostications
Monday, 21 December 2009 16:18
2010 Predictostications

The sun will continue to rise in the east. Jose Mourinho will continue to spurn my inappropriate advances. Liverpool fans will continue to be annoying. Tiger Woods will lead the cops in a slow motion chase in a Ford Bronco. Those are the easy ones. What about the difficult questions? You want answers? I give you answers!

How will Landon Donovan do in England? Landy Cakes seems to be given the shaft by the nation’s and world’s soccer intelligencia. His failure in Germany (twice), his PK histrionics, his lack of physical stature and ambivalence about playing in Europe have led to the perception of “softness” in his game. Au contraire, mon frere - his toughness and playmaking vision on the international stage has convinced me. Like it or not, he is the best player to ever play for the USMNT – seriously, no arguments please. Plus, he is landing at a great situation in Everton where he will have enough “tough” players surrounding him in Felliani, Pienaar, Cahill. He also does not have to be “the” guy up top. I like him in role sitting just behind Yakubu/Saha and setting things up. My only concern is that 10 games may not be enough for him to get a fair run – which was his downfall in his 2nd Germany chance. Final tally: 2 G, 3 A in 10 games.

What will happen in the Top 4? Chelsea and ManU are locks, obviously. Arsenal better hope Van Persie gets healthy and/or pick up a striker in January. Liverpool is a disaster. Aston Villa has everyone healthy and are in top form. Man City can’t figure out the back 4. Tottenham have been inconsistent. My prediction: Arsenal 3rd. Aston Villa avoid the slide from last season, as their back four are the best in the Prem now – on a strictly defensive basis. However, Liverpool dumps Rafa and go on a tear to edge the Villa.

Who wins the Prem? This is easy. No Ronaldo, no soup for you SAF. Chelski play the ugly game that Roman hates to the title.

Champions League? Did you see Bayern destroy Juve in Italy? I just have a sneaking suspicion that it’s time for someone other than an English or Spanish team this year. Let’s go… Inter Milan. Then, Jose to Liverpool.

World Cup? First, (and I stole this from Grant Wahl of SI) I guarantee there will be a Sports Illustrated cover with Donovan, Howard, and lets say, Gooch in Revolutionary War get-up prior to the England match. The headline will read, “President Palin mistakenly thinks Iran is in Africa - invades wrong continent” Oops, that’s Newsweek in 2013. SI will read, “Tea Party in South Africa.”

USA shockingly ties England, blows one of the next two, but survives to the final 16 where they win one more and get to the quarters and lose on PKs. Don’t laugh – US outside of Europe have been prettttttty goooood. Korea in 2002, South Africa in 2009.

Surprises – another CONCACAF teams makes the knockout stages, an African team (or two) makes the semis, and England lose on PKs to someone (shocker!). Your winner – do me a favor, google how many times Brazil has NOT won a WC outside of Europe since 1954. Go ahead, I’ll wait.

(While we are waiting, what actor/actress has ruined more TV series/movies for you? I’m going with Moira Kelly – unwatchable in West Wing, just killed an almost passable romantic comedy in that hockey player meets figure skater flick, made Joe Pesci seem like DeNiro in “With Honors” – even makes me hate “Lion King” because of her lispy annoying voice.)

Ok, we are back. The answer is only twice since 1954 have Brazil not won a WC outside of Europe – plus Dunga’s system is perfect for tough tournament play - therefore, Brazil wins 2-0 over Spain/Germany/Italy.

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